An Interview with Don Juan

I was recently honored to provide a blurb for the book, DON JUAN IN HANKEY, PA.  It didn’t take me long to put into words how I felt about the book.  I first met Gale Martin, the author, at Wilkes University, where we studied for our Masters in Creative Writing together.  I have been hearing bits and pieces of this book since its inception, and my adoration for the project never waned.  It’s not easy to do humor, but it’s even harder to create a narrative that is as rich in snark as it is wit, and to do it all with a good amount of down-to-earth likability.  And that, my dear readers, is exactly what Gale Martin has accomplished.  I was so honored to be a part of the launch for DON JUAN IN HANKEY, PA, but even more honored to actually score an interview with the novel’s lead stud, Argentine baritone Leandro Vasquez.  I have to say, it was…interesting.

Leandro  Vasquez: Hola, Amye! Guapa!  So I am—honored to—how you say—hang with you.

Amye:  Do you always speak in running triplets?

Leandro Vasquez:  Sí, mi— bomboncito. I am—how you say—English challenged.

Amye:  “Bomboncito,”   whatever that means, was four syllables in a row.

Gale Martin (author):  He just called you his pie. It’s a term of endearment in his country—Argentina.

Leandro Vasquez:  (Takes Amye in his arms.)  We can speak—language of—passion, love.

Amye: But, Lion Man, I’m a married woman.

Leandro: Amye, dulce, but you are so beautiful.  You are like a dove, a white white dove.

Amye: I don’t really know what to make of that one either… can you say it again?  This time in my ear?

Gale (interrupting): Okay!  I’ll take it from here, you two!

Leandro (shakes head vigorously and drops Amye to the floor.): Oh yes! I take. I interview.  Me. Lion Man.

Gale: Okay,  what do you want to talk about, Leandro?

Leandro: I boil—like water. I have bone— to prick you.

Gale:  (I sure hope he means he has a bone to pick with me.)  What’s the matter?

Leandro: I am star— of DON JUAN IN HANKEY, PA. Is named for me.  No?  Why I have— no words until—page 150? Book is half over.

 Gale:  It’s true you are the Don Juan of the title.  Because you are the star of the book, I need to spend time building up reader expectations prior to your appearance.  So we learn about you a lot sooner than page 150. In fact, people are already talking about you by page 49. So that when you appear on page 150, the reader thinks, I was more than willing to wait until page 150 to meet this guy because he’s so vital to the story. That way, when you finally make an appearance, the reader will pay attention.

Leandro (rolls eyes):  Sounds like spin—to me. Why you have –only three women—on opera guild? (Smiles lasciviously.) Should be dozens waiting around—for me—just like at –Gotham City Opera.

Gale: I don’t have to tell you Hankey Opera is a small company. You know that. I’ll just say that you are thinking about this the wrong way. Deanna, Vivian, and Oriane aren’t merely themselves. Each one stands for a type or class of women. Deanna is every Type A overachiever you’ve ever met. Vivian is every New-Age ultra politically correct wacko you’ve encountered. And Oriane is every small-town virgin who’s crossed your path.  That has to add up to hundreds of women.

Leandro: Ahhh. How do I love women? Let me count—the lays.  Maybe 91 en Turquía. At least 450 en Francia. Some 1,100 en España.  Slim girls—en summer. Fat-legged girls—warm up a me—en  winter.  No hundreds. Thousands.

Gale: Everyone who’s anyone will know before long that you are a man to be reckoned with.

Leandro:  Don’ think so. Too many—men in book.  Richard. Know-bee. Arnaud. You litter—what could be—great book with—muchos wimps. No real men.

Gale: That’s a matter of opinion, Leandro.

Leandro: Why you need—more than one—macho man—in one book? No need. Me, Lion Man— is alpha—omega, no?

Gale:  Characters are sometimes revealed through other characters. You learn a lot about Vivian because of how she interacts with Richard.

Leandro: Bibian. Tetas grandes. No for Richard. For Lion Man.

Leandro Vasquez in a scene from Gotham City Opera's Don Giovanni

Gale: There’s no denying Vivian has a great figure. Okay, great tatas—but in point of fact (debating whether to tell Leandro the truth), the story would be really dull if you were the only man in it.

Leandro: Dull? What means this—dull?

Gale: Tell you what, Leandro. I will leave the opera singing to you. You leave the storytelling to me. And we’ll let the reader judge whether the story is better because there are more men than you or a big fat flop, okay?

Leandro:  Tell you now. This book a—whopper, fat flop.

Gale:  Readers, this book is available online at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and iTunes. Why not get a copy and decide for yourself whether DON JUAN IN HANKEY, PA is a winner or whopper fat flop?

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You can read more about DON JUAN IN HANKEY, PA, or learn various ways to stalk Gale Martin here.

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